Post by midiman on Mar 23, 2004 6:46:16 GMT -5
L I V I N G T H E C R E A T I V E L I F E
For Creative People
and Those Who Want To
Live Their Lives Creatively
In this issue
* SELF-ESTEEM
* Creative Tip
* Wise Words
Self-Esteem
~~~~~~~~~~~
Self-esteem looms large on our radar screen these days. There's
tremendous -- and well-warranted -- concern about self-esteem in our
children and ourselves. As a society, we've realized that having high
self-esteem is crucial to our development. Without a healthy sense of
self-esteem, we block ourselves from expressing our creativity and
fulfilling our potential.
As children, we depend on the reflection of others to build our
self-esteem. If you grew up in a loving and supportive household, you
entered adulthood with high self-esteem. If your experience, like most
of ours, was less than perfect, it's not the end of the story. As an
adult, you have access to strengths, information and resources you
didn't as a child, and you can continue building self-esteem throughout
your life. You don't have to live out your days as a victim of your
childhood circumstances.
As adults, our self-esteem needs to come from within us. Admiration and
praise from others is great, but if we don't have a receptacle of
self-esteem in which to hold it, compliments will feed our egos for
awhile and then fall into a bottomless pit, leaving us waiting for the
next "fix." We can never get enough to make us really believe it, and we
continually seek to please others in order to get more.
In building our self-esteem, healing our past is helpful, but it's just
the start. Self-esteem, along with self-confidence and self-respect, is
something we earn. According to the National Association for Self-Esteem , we do that by taking action. Two ways, among many, that we can do this are 1) to face or invite
challenges and 2) to act with integrity.
By facing challenges, we gain skills and confidence in dealing with
life. We come to know our own strength and stretch our limits, and we
experience the joy and satisfaction of our own accomplishments. We
discover that we can succeed, and also that we can fail and learn from
it. We learn that we can cope with whatever life throws at us. As we
build strength and courage, we can then take on challenges by choice, to
open up new areas of life and continue building those strengths. As we
do, we also build our self-esteem.
In the beginning, we need to plan our challenges strategically. If you
haven't been to the gym in ten years, you start with small weights,
rather than risking damage by doing too much too fast. In the same way,
you can rack up small successes and build on those, continuing to raise
the bar. If you're afraid -- and you're not alone on that -- don't try
to take on a huge challenge right away. Take it in steps, and allow your
growing confidence to propel you higher.
Often, we avoid big challenges because we're afraid of making fools of
ourselves. In the Tarot deck, the 22 cards of the Major Arcana map the
journey of the Fool, who faces the world with a sense of wonder and a
willingness to take a leap of faith, knowing that it will lead to
something worthwhile. When we take ourselves lightly and leap with a
sense of playfulness, we can exhilarate in our risks, rather than
fearing them and berating ourselves if they don't work out. We can
include our mistakes as part of the journey and use them as a guide to
redirect our efforts.
Having high self-esteem does not mean that you will always meet with
success. In truth, most successful people have failed a few -- or many
-- times before they succeeded. Thomas Alva Edison filed over 1,000
successful patents, but also 500 unsuccessful ones. He ran thousands of
experiments, testing over 6,000 filaments, before he created a
successful light bulb. Where would we be if he had gotten discouraged
after ten?
Dealing with failure is part of the picture. It teaches us valuable
lessons and builds the "muscles" we need to handle success. How could
you be CEO of a large corporation if every setback makes you want to
crawl under the covers? How can you be a successful artist if every
criticism crushes your spirit and creativity? One of my greatest lessons
in failure was watching a gymnast fall off the balance beam during the
Olympics. My heart sank for her, but she leapt back on the bar and
continued her routine, going on to win a medal. I learned from this
world class athlete that on the road to success, wallowing in self-pity
is a costly luxury.
Another path to self-esteem is through integrity. Living with integrity
means having principles and standards we believe in -- and then
upholding them. It's not enough to give lip service. By acting on our
principles, we come to respect and even admire ourselves in a way that's
more solid and lasting than simply taking in praise from others. It
helps create the receptacle into which we can receive that praise and be
nourished by it, instead of continually craving more.
Some of the ways we may be called upon to live our integrity include:
* Doing what you know is right even when no one is watching
* Speaking your truth in the face of opposition
* Giving someone a deserved compliment even when you're jealous of them
* Taking responsibility for the impact of your words and actions on others
* Refusing to be in a relationship with someone who treats you abusively
* Owning your mistakes and making things right
* Taking care of your own needs
* Treating yourself and others with kindness and dignity
Living your principles and standards takes courage and resolve. You will
inevitably be faced with the choice to stand up for what you believe in
or to sell out in order to please someone or avoid conflict. It's by
having congruity between your words and deeds that you build
self-esteem. You learn that your word means something. You learn that
while you may lose some people by taking a stand for what you believe
in, you will attract people with the level of character you aspire to.
That in itself will increase your self-esteem.
Building self-esteem is a solo journey. It's something you can only do
for yourself, and it has to be based on your internal sense of values
and direction, not somebody else's. Positive competition can be a great
way to challenge yourself, but constantly comparing yourself to others
(usually negatively) can point you away from your internal compass.
Build your self-esteem step by step. Challenge yourself, and live by
your principles. Set standards for how you want to be treated and to
treat others. As you get stronger, you'll face bigger challenges, but
you'll have a history of handling challenges successfully that will help
you face the fear and uncertainty of new levels of challenge. You'll
become a person you respect and admire, and you will draw people to you
who appreciate you for who you are. You will have the courage to follow
your heart and pursue your passions.
In the journey of the Fool, the final step is Mastery. Through daily
practice, you become better at taking the actions that build your
self-esteem and self-confidence. It's a courageous journey, and an
exciting one with ever-increasing rewards.
Creative Tip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
To raise your self-esteem, choose something you've been avoiding doing
out of fear. Then, do it. If it's something big, break it down into
steps, and take the first step. If you fail the first time, try again.
You *can* do it!
Wise Words
~~~~~~~~~~
"Creativity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and self-acceptance."
~ Julie Cameron, "The Artist's Way"
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
"The level of our self-esteem creates a set of implicit expectations
about what is possible and appropriate to us. These expectations tend to
generate the actions that turn them into realities. And the realities
then confirm and strengthen the original beliefs. Self-esteem -- high or
low -- tends to be a generator of self-fulfilling prophecies."
~ Nathaniel Branden
"Whatever good things we build end up building us."
For Creative People
and Those Who Want To
Live Their Lives Creatively
In this issue
* SELF-ESTEEM
* Creative Tip
* Wise Words
Self-Esteem
~~~~~~~~~~~
Self-esteem looms large on our radar screen these days. There's
tremendous -- and well-warranted -- concern about self-esteem in our
children and ourselves. As a society, we've realized that having high
self-esteem is crucial to our development. Without a healthy sense of
self-esteem, we block ourselves from expressing our creativity and
fulfilling our potential.
As children, we depend on the reflection of others to build our
self-esteem. If you grew up in a loving and supportive household, you
entered adulthood with high self-esteem. If your experience, like most
of ours, was less than perfect, it's not the end of the story. As an
adult, you have access to strengths, information and resources you
didn't as a child, and you can continue building self-esteem throughout
your life. You don't have to live out your days as a victim of your
childhood circumstances.
As adults, our self-esteem needs to come from within us. Admiration and
praise from others is great, but if we don't have a receptacle of
self-esteem in which to hold it, compliments will feed our egos for
awhile and then fall into a bottomless pit, leaving us waiting for the
next "fix." We can never get enough to make us really believe it, and we
continually seek to please others in order to get more.
In building our self-esteem, healing our past is helpful, but it's just
the start. Self-esteem, along with self-confidence and self-respect, is
something we earn. According to the National Association for Self-Esteem , we do that by taking action. Two ways, among many, that we can do this are 1) to face or invite
challenges and 2) to act with integrity.
By facing challenges, we gain skills and confidence in dealing with
life. We come to know our own strength and stretch our limits, and we
experience the joy and satisfaction of our own accomplishments. We
discover that we can succeed, and also that we can fail and learn from
it. We learn that we can cope with whatever life throws at us. As we
build strength and courage, we can then take on challenges by choice, to
open up new areas of life and continue building those strengths. As we
do, we also build our self-esteem.
In the beginning, we need to plan our challenges strategically. If you
haven't been to the gym in ten years, you start with small weights,
rather than risking damage by doing too much too fast. In the same way,
you can rack up small successes and build on those, continuing to raise
the bar. If you're afraid -- and you're not alone on that -- don't try
to take on a huge challenge right away. Take it in steps, and allow your
growing confidence to propel you higher.
Often, we avoid big challenges because we're afraid of making fools of
ourselves. In the Tarot deck, the 22 cards of the Major Arcana map the
journey of the Fool, who faces the world with a sense of wonder and a
willingness to take a leap of faith, knowing that it will lead to
something worthwhile. When we take ourselves lightly and leap with a
sense of playfulness, we can exhilarate in our risks, rather than
fearing them and berating ourselves if they don't work out. We can
include our mistakes as part of the journey and use them as a guide to
redirect our efforts.
Having high self-esteem does not mean that you will always meet with
success. In truth, most successful people have failed a few -- or many
-- times before they succeeded. Thomas Alva Edison filed over 1,000
successful patents, but also 500 unsuccessful ones. He ran thousands of
experiments, testing over 6,000 filaments, before he created a
successful light bulb. Where would we be if he had gotten discouraged
after ten?
Dealing with failure is part of the picture. It teaches us valuable
lessons and builds the "muscles" we need to handle success. How could
you be CEO of a large corporation if every setback makes you want to
crawl under the covers? How can you be a successful artist if every
criticism crushes your spirit and creativity? One of my greatest lessons
in failure was watching a gymnast fall off the balance beam during the
Olympics. My heart sank for her, but she leapt back on the bar and
continued her routine, going on to win a medal. I learned from this
world class athlete that on the road to success, wallowing in self-pity
is a costly luxury.
Another path to self-esteem is through integrity. Living with integrity
means having principles and standards we believe in -- and then
upholding them. It's not enough to give lip service. By acting on our
principles, we come to respect and even admire ourselves in a way that's
more solid and lasting than simply taking in praise from others. It
helps create the receptacle into which we can receive that praise and be
nourished by it, instead of continually craving more.
Some of the ways we may be called upon to live our integrity include:
* Doing what you know is right even when no one is watching
* Speaking your truth in the face of opposition
* Giving someone a deserved compliment even when you're jealous of them
* Taking responsibility for the impact of your words and actions on others
* Refusing to be in a relationship with someone who treats you abusively
* Owning your mistakes and making things right
* Taking care of your own needs
* Treating yourself and others with kindness and dignity
Living your principles and standards takes courage and resolve. You will
inevitably be faced with the choice to stand up for what you believe in
or to sell out in order to please someone or avoid conflict. It's by
having congruity between your words and deeds that you build
self-esteem. You learn that your word means something. You learn that
while you may lose some people by taking a stand for what you believe
in, you will attract people with the level of character you aspire to.
That in itself will increase your self-esteem.
Building self-esteem is a solo journey. It's something you can only do
for yourself, and it has to be based on your internal sense of values
and direction, not somebody else's. Positive competition can be a great
way to challenge yourself, but constantly comparing yourself to others
(usually negatively) can point you away from your internal compass.
Build your self-esteem step by step. Challenge yourself, and live by
your principles. Set standards for how you want to be treated and to
treat others. As you get stronger, you'll face bigger challenges, but
you'll have a history of handling challenges successfully that will help
you face the fear and uncertainty of new levels of challenge. You'll
become a person you respect and admire, and you will draw people to you
who appreciate you for who you are. You will have the courage to follow
your heart and pursue your passions.
In the journey of the Fool, the final step is Mastery. Through daily
practice, you become better at taking the actions that build your
self-esteem and self-confidence. It's a courageous journey, and an
exciting one with ever-increasing rewards.
Creative Tip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
To raise your self-esteem, choose something you've been avoiding doing
out of fear. Then, do it. If it's something big, break it down into
steps, and take the first step. If you fail the first time, try again.
You *can* do it!
Wise Words
~~~~~~~~~~
"Creativity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and self-acceptance."
~ Julie Cameron, "The Artist's Way"
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
"The level of our self-esteem creates a set of implicit expectations
about what is possible and appropriate to us. These expectations tend to
generate the actions that turn them into realities. And the realities
then confirm and strengthen the original beliefs. Self-esteem -- high or
low -- tends to be a generator of self-fulfilling prophecies."
~ Nathaniel Branden
"Whatever good things we build end up building us."